Why we chose Danya Kukafka’s Notes on an Execution

Ash had a lot of library books checked out at the end of 2023, including this one. She had checked it out because she’d seen it on several “Best Reads of 2023” lists. When I asked her which book we should do for Family Reads, she suggested I choose a book from her current check outs. I went with Notes on an Execution because it’s not something I would have chosen to read on my own.

Ansel Packer is scheduled to die in twelve hours. He knows what he’s done, and now awaits execution, the same chilling fate he forced on those girls, years ago. But Ansel doesn’t want to die; he wants to be celebrated, understood. He hoped it wouldn’t end like this, not for him.

Through a kaleidoscope of women—a mother, a sister, a homicide detective—we learn the story of Ansel’s life. We meet his mother, Lavender, a seventeen-year-old girl pushed to desperation; Hazel, twin sister to Ansel’s wife, inseparable since birth, forced to watch helplessly as her sister’s relationship threatens to devour them all; and finally, Saffy, the homicide detective hot on his trail, who has devoted herself to bringing bad men to justice but struggles to see her own life clearly. As the clock ticks down, these three women sift through the choices that culminate in tragedy, exploring the rippling fissures that such destruction inevitably leaves in its wake.

Goodreads

Our Discussion 💬

**Discussion best enjoyed if you have already read the book – spoilers abound!**

This book explores a lot of tough subjects. Our discussion wandered all over the place and evolved as we dissected different parts of the story. It was tricky to parse our discussion into a legible blog post but I’ve given it a shot!

Second Person

The books opens up in second person, “you” being Ansel, the serial killer due to be executed in 12 hours. This immediately put me on guard. I’m not keen on second person. I messaged my sister, “Lord help me if the entire book is in second person”. When we got together to discuss the book, the first question I asked her was how does she feel about second person? But she had no thoughts about it while reading! She couldn’t recall if she’d read a book in second person before. We discussed that some might argue the use of second person, especially for that character, might elevate the creepiness of the narrative. But that wasn’t the case for either of us. I mellowed out when I realized it would be used sparingly and she barely noticed it.

Death Penalty Ethics?

The bulk of our discussion focused on the story’s messaging on two specific themes – the first being, what is this story trying to say about the death penalty?

You wanted to tell Shawna that she was a cog in a deplorable machine, that prisons are also companies, maximizing profit, staying afloat on a pile of bodies like Big Bear’s. You have been watching the news. You have been reading the paper. It is not your problem, not your concern, but still no coincidence that you are one of only three white men on A-Pod. You wouldn’t care much about all that, if you were not subject to the same psychotic system.

Notes on an Execution, pg 169

There are a couple asides which note how Ansel is a privileged white guy within the carceral system. That’s not what the story is about, though we can imagine how the author likely felt the need to address that matter if writing a book partially set in prison. Nor is the story about the death penalty’s impact on Ansel himself. Ash observed that, if anything, the story comes across as pro-death penalty. But at no point was anyone advocating for Ansel to die. Jenny’s family right at the end perhaps came the closest to finding any satisfaction in his death. Otherwise, we thought the story presented a pretty neutral point of view.

Lavender, Saffy, Hazel (and Shawna)

I didn’t really care for this book til much closer to the end. I found it became somewhat more interesting once it was revealed that Baby Packer was alive. The commentary and thought provoking elements built from that point on. Part of the challenge for Ash was that Hazel, one of our three woman POVs, was not that interesting, and she was a large part of the book. We discussed the choice of Hazel, Saffy, and Lavender as the three women through which Ansel’s story is told. Other women (such as Blue or Ansel’s adoptive mother) might have provided more intriguing or thought-provoking perspectives, than these three dreary women who are somewhat removed from Ansel’s actions. We were fans of Shawna – Ash lost it when Ansel realized Shawna wasn’t going to help him. (Of course she wasn’t going to! He’s not special!!)

With Whom Do We Empathize?

Ash noted the text leaves a lot for the reader to inisnuate about Ansel’s character. For example, that he was controlling of Jenny. That stays true to Hazel’s POV – we don’t get Jenny’s experience or her point of view. We don’t get the perspective of anyone who Ansel physically hurt. We also weren’t that interested in Lavender’s perspective (Ash: “I could’t even remember her name? Cornflower? idk?”). Ansel’s adopted mom tells her not to reach out to him and she doesn’t and that’s it. We felt like she could have been a lot more interesting, especially in a book that seems to be intended to be about these three women and less about Ansel. That’s what prompted a lot of discussion – this book seems to be so much about him, but is it really?

Which allows me to sort of segue into this piece of discussion… Ansel wonders, “Am I capable of feeling empathy?” I have strong opinions on ’empathy’, mostly boiling down to “Who gives a crap, you can be a good person without feeling ~empathy~”. When I said that, Ash astutely observed “That is 90% of the book, though – who cares what Ansel has to say? I think that was the actually main takeaway.” For me, the story became more complex and nuanced when Saffy asks the girl in the diner if she laughed at Ansel (shortly before he committed his first murders) and when Saffy wonders if she herself is too blame after telling Blue and her mom to send Ansel away.

There was a world Saffy could not bear to consider – a world that was quickly consuming her own – in which Saffy had turned Ansel into exactly the mosnter she needed him to be.

Notes on an Execution, pg 252

A thought I had throughout the story was: Surely we’re not meant to empathsize (or probably more accurately sympathize) with the guy, if it’s told from the perspective of three women in his life?? I became less certain as the book went, especially within the last 50 pages or so. But damn, if you start to sympathize, then you enter dangerous victim blaming territory. He’s just a twerp who thinks he’ll feel better if he murders! He has a dangerous vicious impulses!!

This was Ash’s takeway – as the story progress, it makes it even more obvious how we shouldn’t give a dang about horrible people. Even the book flap description says “asking readers to consider the false problem of looking for meaning in the psyches in violent men.” So I guess the book was successful in getting us to realize why that’s a problematic exercise! The description also states the book “presents a chilling portrait of womanhood as it simultaneously unravels the familiar narrative of the American serial killer […] interrogating our […] cultural obsession with crime stories”. I hadn’t read that description before picking up the book. I would have considered it too much info instead of letting me come to those conclusions myself. But that description helped us confirm – the messages we took away were the ones Notes on an Execution intended, even if it presented those messages in a murky way.

Why did he kill those girls as a teenager, then no one until Jenny, twenty years later? Why them? Why then?

Hazel cannot fathom a less interesting question. Of course, she is sorry for those girls, for their families. But the attention, that big question: it baffles her. It does not matter how Ansel felt. His pain is irrelevant, beyond the horizon of her consideration. It does not matter why he killed those girls, or Jenny. Hazel believes that a person can be evil, and nothing more. There are millions of men out there who want to hurt women – people seem to think that Ansel Packer is extraordinary, because he actually did.

Notes on an Execution, pg 289

Final Thoughts 💭

I gave this book ★★½ and Ash gave it ★★★. While Notes on an Exeution gave us lots to discuss in the end, we found it a fairly dry read. Recommended for those looking for those who don’t mind slow pacing and are looking for something a little different in their crime fiction.

Further Reading 📰

🍂 Author website
🍂 Interview @ The Big Thrill
🍂 Reviews: Kathy @ The Reading Room, Chan @ Goodreads (a one star review which articulates many of my thoughts better than I did!)
🍂 Related: I’m inclined to recommend anything by Rene Denfeld (here are my reviews of The Enchanted or The Child Finder) for more incisive explorations of crime and incarceration over this book.

Do you read true crime or crime novels?