Summary 💬

“SHED MY DNA”: three excruciating words uttered by a QAnon-obsessed mother, once a highly respected lawyer, to her only son, once the closest person in her life. QAnon beliefs and adjacent conspiracy theories have had devastating political consequences as they’ve exploded in popularity. What’s often overlooked is the lasting havoc they wreak on our society at its most basic and intimate level—the family.

In The Quiet Damage, celebrated reporter Jesselyn Cook paints a harrowing portrait of the vulnerabilities that have left so many of us susceptible to outrageous falsehoods promising order, purpose, and control. Braided throughout are the stories of five American families: an elderly couple whose fifty-year romance takes a heartbreaking turn; millennial sisters of color who grew up in dire poverty—one to become a BLM activist, the other, a hardcore conspiracy theorist pulling her little boy down the rabbit hole with her; a Bay Area hippie-type and her business-executive fiancé, who must decide whether to stay with her as she turns into a stranger before his eyes; evangelical parents whose simple life in a sleepy suburb spirals into delusion-fueled chaos; and a rural mother-son duo who, after carrying each other through unspeakable tragedy, stop speaking at all as ludicrous untruths shatter a bond long thought unbreakable.

Charting the arc of each believer’s path from their first intersection with conspiracy theories to the depths of their cultish conviction, to—in some cases—their rejection of disinformation and the mending of fractured relationships, Cook offers a rare, intimate look into the psychology of how and why ordinary people come to believe the unbelievable. Profound, brilliantly researched, and beautifully written, The Quiet Damage lays bare how we have been taken hostage by grifters peddling lies built on false hope—and how we might release our loved ones, and ourselves, from their grasp.

Goodreads

Review ✍🏻

Holy smokes, it’s been a minute since I read such a devastating book. The Quiet Damage will stick with me for some time. For the first 15% or so, I couldn’t stop frowning. After that, I had a persistent low-grade headache. (As I posted on Goodreads immediately after finishing the book: Me while reading this book: 😲🤬😟) It’s one thing to read the occasional news article on outlandish QAnon beliefs. It’s entirely another to closely follow a diverse selection of characters (term used by the author) down the rabbit hole, one into which no one would have expected them to fall.

Narrative Perspective

The intimate narration style brings the characters to life. In most narrative non-fiction that I read, the author has an active voice or may even be the main character. In The Quiet Damage, Cook is present in the introduction as she describes how she created this book, but then she steps aside. She writes directly through the voices of the people whose stories she’s sharing. Almost everything we read comes from the subject themself or their family around them, often through direct quotes. By presenting the story in this way, the characters feel close and real, like they could be your neighbour. There’s no journalistic edification here; we are simply listening to people’s stories.

Why and How

Is there a distinction between why folks fall into QAnon and how they fall into QAnon? My intial thought is that The Quiet Damage delves deeply into the why and less into the how. But I think in this case the two are the same. The only reason I’m having a hard time accepting the how is because I don’t really want to believe it. Each character profiled has been gravely wronged (or perceive they have been) by society. Each character profiled finds QAnon gives them purpose. Why do they turn to QAnon? Because they’ve been hurt. How do they turn to QAnon? By it’s accesibility and by the fact that nothing else helped first.

Happy Endings?

If you consider it a spoiler to find out whether any of the characters profiled leave behind their QAnon beliefs, skip this section.

I let out a massive sigh of relief when I came to final section, “Rescue”. Finally, maybe a light at the end of the tunnel! But for the most part, it’s just further devastation. The jacket blurb is a bit too optimistic. But if it accurately reflected the contents of this book, it would probably be too depressing to use as a marketing tool.

If we knew how to rescue someone from QAnon, we wouldn’t have the massive problem that we do. It’s extremely difficult and few know how to do it well. And as the case of one character shows, even if someone manages to pull themselves out (or allows themselves to be pulled out), it becomes even easier to fall back in than it was the first time.

A moment of raw human connection had just accomplished for Matt what no amount of fact-checking or debunking ever could: It started to shake his faith in the lies he’d been sold.

The Quiet Damage, pg 146

This book could have been far more damning of society at large than it is. There’s something to be said for how some (many?) left-wing groups crucify, villainize, and discard folks who have done wrong or made a mistake, with no allowance for change or repair. I imagine even I would find it hard to welcome back someone who has recently shed their QAnon faith – but if we don’t want them to return to QAnon or whatever harmful beliefs they’ve just left behind, we need to.

I would love to read an instructional book on how to do this. “This” being how to help someone come out of and move beyond harmful beliefs. There must be one out there? Though maybe it is too difficult work for the average layperson to do well. But lmk if you know what I’m talking about and if you know of such a book…

The Bottom Line 💭

A quick yet devastating read. If you’ve ever thought QAnon is only for the extremely guillble or that no one you know would ever fall for it, pick up The Quiet Damage – you may have to reevaluate your position.

Further Reading 📰

🍂 Read an excerpt
🍂 Author website
🍂 Interview @ The Stacks podcast (transcript available)
🍂 Reviews: Eric @ Primm Life
🍂 Related: While Arlie Russell Hochschild’s Strangers in Their Own Land: Anger and Mourning on the American Right doesn’t investigate such extremes as The Quiet Damage, it is another excellent read that breaks downhow and why certain populations of Americans come to hold right-wing beliefs.

Have you read any non-fiction recently that illuminated a difficult topic in modern society?